Falling Back

The past few days have been pretty disappointing. I'm feeling like I used to feel every day. The nausea, the joint pain, the headaches, the fatigue, everything.

I was driving home from work yesterday and could barely keep my eyes open. I slept over seven hours, so there was no reason for me to be so tired. Especially when driving in rush hour traffic. Luckily, I made it home safely.

I had some chest pain Thursday night as well, which was very bothersome and a little frightening. It wasn't like the panic/anxiety pain I'd felt before (which was centered in my chest beneath my breast bone). This was to the left, almost completely on the side of my rib cage. It lasted a few hours, went away, then came back for a little while longer. I haven't felt over stressed, or really stressed at all, so I can't seem to put the pieces together.

It's like all these medications aren't helping at all. I know they quoted me two to three months before feeling better, but it's been almost a month now and I feel the same. I wanted to have a slight difference, something to give me hope. Everyone was hoping for that, everyone is mad that it isn't working yet.

The fact that other people are mad about me not getting better is kind of upsetting. I do feel that my health has become this ordeal, that people are worried and concerned for no reason. I feel like a burden at times, other times I feel like I should keep it quiet more than I already do. I should just get over it. But I realize that those are just human reactions. I deserve to be honest about my health. I shouldn't have to hide the fact that I'm in pain or tired or just feeling down.

If I just could see a glimpse of hope from these medications. I'm starting the yeast free diet in June, so I'll be eating better and detoxing my body for a month. I should feel worse at that point, then better after about the third week. Or so I've been told. After that, I hope I feel considerably better.

I promise myself that I will give this at least three months (so three complete rounds of medicine) before even thinking about giving up. After three months, if I don't feel any different or better, I have a doctors appointment with them and I'll discuss going off of everything. I feel that six months is a decent deadline. By six months, the medicine should be working to some extent. I don't feel that's too much to ask. I don't see that people would pay for this treatment (it's quite expensive) if it didn't work faster than half a year. We'll see. As of now, I refuse to give up some hope, but I'm still not settling that it's certainly going to work.